He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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