I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
