Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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