She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
