Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
