he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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