i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
