I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
