my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
