the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
