You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize