he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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