I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
