Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
