Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
