so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
