I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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