Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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