he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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