How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She bit a glass in half.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
