As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
