Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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