homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
