I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
