what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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