Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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