i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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