Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
