i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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