Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
