Your mouth is God's brothel.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
