Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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