My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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