Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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