Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
