So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
