probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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