Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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