Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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