if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my poor anus
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
