if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
