As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
