The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
