My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize