real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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