it wasn't lemon gatorade
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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