My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
