Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
