the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
