Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
