New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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