If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
