i love accidental penises.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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