Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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