That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
