I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
