READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
