great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
