don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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