Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
