he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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