how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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