so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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