My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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