You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
