i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
