I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
