Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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