Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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