did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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