And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
