I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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