I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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