you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
